Life Through a Teenaged Artist's Eyes

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Selfishness?

I know I'm a selfish person. At first, I got mad when someone called me selfish. To sum up my personality, I am creative, I think outside the box, I love philosophy, I am terribly lazy when it comes to things that I don't want to do, I'm selfish, and competitive, but awfully shy. Most people don't know about the selfishness, competitiveness, and the shyness. When I act shy, I don't mean to, but I act snobbish, so it's sort of hard for me to make friends. Oh, another thing? I'm conceited. I try not to be, because if I ever met the real me (I know it sounds weird but please bear with me) I would be disgusted. But I can't help who I am, right? I feel like I'm better than everyone else. I feel like everyone around me, besides the ones who are worth my presence, are idiots. I have respect for some, but mostly for my friends and my mother.

Speaking of my mother, she calls me selfish all the time. As I mentioned earlier, I hated being called that. Then, one day, as I was feeding the dogs, I went to their water dish. This was a summer day, so it was really really hot. I remembered when I looked at their dry dish that I hadn't given them water yesterday because it had gotten dark, and around that area at night there are huge spiders. I. Do. Not. Like. Spiders.

So as I looked at their pitifully dry bowl, I thought about what Mother would have said if she would have seen it. "You're so selfish! I can't believe you!" I do believe that what I did was selfish, but the thought of that huge spider laughing as he crawled up my leg slowly, and up to my stomach, and sinking his teeth teasingly into my flesh just makes me cringe. I have serious arachnophobia.

Then I thought, "Why does the word 'selfish' even exist anyway?" I realized that it most likely had to do with the times where everything you did was based on if it would get you into Heaven or not. Then I wondered if giving the dogs water just for your own salvation would be selfish too. It would be to an extent, right?

Then, on another note, I thought, "Who ever said that being selfish was a bad thing?" Later on, when my dad was joking about my being selfish, I said proudly, "Selfishness is not a negative attribute. It's a personality trait."

He laughed, and told my mom in his "Oh isn't that cute" attitude, and she agreed with me! So why does she always make a huge deal of pointing it out to me?

Another thing, anyone reading this, that's thinking that I'm just a foolish child who has no clue about the world and it's ways, I'd like you to know this; The world is different for everyone, and this is how it is for me. Don't like it? Don't read it. Geez...

I think too deeply about some things, don't I...?

Labels: arachnophobia, dark, dogs, fear, night, philosophy, selfish, spiders, summer, water

posted by Marion @ 10:33 PM 0 comments

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Dandelions

One of the best memories I have as a child was blowing away at the seeds on a dandelion. I see them all the time, and when I'm walking home with Hannah, I always try to blow one away each day. I loved watching the seeds float in the wind, and disappear into the sky. I was never patient enough as a child to watch where they landed, so my mother always got away with telling me that each of the seeds was a soul, and once I blew away all of the seeds, they would fly up to Heaven (none of it payed off, I'm agnostic).
Anyway, I feed the dogs every night, and in our neighborhood, our backyards are pretty big, almost 1/3 of an acre. Well as I was pouring the foul smelling food into Tessie's bowl, I caught a glimpse of our neighbor's yard, which was pure white.
As I walked closer, I saw that the WHOLE yard was FILLED with dandelions. Isn't it so pretty!? I wanna run through there so badly!

Labels: beautiful, childhood, dandelions, flowers, summer, surreal, white

posted by Marion @ 6:03 PM 0 comments

My First Blog Ever

So what do you do in a blog? Its like a journal, right? Well I suppose I'll find out as I go.

One thing I want more than anything in this life is to achieve the same beauty and lightheartedness as the things in my writing and art. It would be wonderful to look in the mirror one day, and feel like you can be yourself, and still be loved and cherished by someone. I know it's possible, but I don't think the vision in my head is.

Something horrible that I know is that no one will ever feel the way you do when you think of something. I have a vision almost every night of sheer white ribbons and strings of pearls and mesh left across the floor in a lovely mess of grace. In the midst of it all is a girl. She has long, wavy auburn hair leaving her back to fall in puddles against the cushioned floor, she is pure, without clothes, and falling asleep.

If I told this to anyone at my school, they would immediately think I was a lesbian. All because I believe nudity is pure, and I like the image of a nude body. I love the dark, Victorian style things.

I have one good friend, and her name is Hannah. Her first initials and my first initials are the same, heh. It doesn't surprise me. We are almost the same person. She really is the only one who understands me. We're together most of the time, and we've never really gotten mad or annoyed at each other, and our laughter is in sync. Really scares people! When we're not together, people will actually look for the other one!

Right now, one of my biggest hobbies are joint dolls. I have soooo many pictures of them stored on my computer right now. I want one SO bad! Mom says that by the end of the summer, if I do all my chores, I'll have enough money to buy one myself ^ ^!

Also, yesterday was the first day of my summer vacation. I'll be a sophomore next year! I've been waiting so long for freedom, that I don't really feel like it's here yet!

Labels: 15, artist, beauty, confused, first blog, girl, joint dolls, sophomore, summer

posted by Marion @ 12:22 PM 0 comments

About Me

Name: Marion
Home: South Carolina, United States
About Me: My world is the center of Conformist City; High School, and I am currently 15. My constant struggle is not to break under peer pressure. Not because its what the TV says to do, just because one of my greatest fears is to be considered a fool. I don't appear to be, but one of my greatest flaws is that I'm extremely competitive. I love drawing. I mostly draw anime, but I want to start real life. I love writing too!
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