I know I'm a selfish person. At first, I got mad when someone called me selfish. To sum up my personality, I am creative, I think outside the box, I love philosophy, I am terribly lazy when it comes to things that I don't want to do, I'm selfish, and competitive, but awfully shy. Most people don't know about the selfishness, competitiveness, and the shyness. When I act shy, I don't mean to, but I act snobbish, so it's sort of hard for me to make friends. Oh, another thing? I'm conceited. I try not to be, because if I ever met the real me (I know it sounds weird but please bear with me) I would be disgusted. But I can't help who I am, right? I feel like I'm better than everyone else. I feel like everyone around me, besides the ones who are worth my presence, are idiots. I have respect for some, but mostly for my friends and my mother.
Speaking of my mother, she calls me selfish all the time. As I mentioned earlier, I hated being called that. Then, one day, as I was feeding the dogs, I went to their water dish. This was a summer day, so it was really really hot. I remembered when I looked at their dry dish that I hadn't given them water yesterday because it had gotten dark, and around that area at night there are huge spiders. I. Do. Not. Like. Spiders.
So as I looked at their pitifully dry bowl, I thought about what Mother would have said if she would have seen it. "You're so selfish! I can't believe you!" I do believe that what I did was selfish, but the thought of that huge spider laughing as he crawled up my leg slowly, and up to my stomach, and sinking his teeth teasingly into my flesh just makes me cringe. I have serious arachnophobia.
Then I thought, "Why does the word 'selfish' even exist anyway?" I realized that it most likely had to do with the times where everything you did was based on if it would get you into Heaven or not. Then I wondered if giving the dogs water just for your own salvation would be selfish too. It would be to an extent, right?
Then, on another note, I thought, "Who ever said that being selfish was a bad thing?" Later on, when my dad was joking about my being selfish, I said proudly, "Selfishness is not a negative attribute. It's a personality trait."
He laughed, and told my mom in his "Oh isn't that cute" attitude, and she agreed with me! So why does she always make a huge deal of pointing it out to me?
Another thing, anyone reading this, that's thinking that I'm just a foolish child who has no clue about the world and it's ways, I'd like you to know this; The world is different for everyone, and this is how it is for me. Don't like it? Don't read it. Geez...
I think too deeply about some things, don't I...?Labels: arachnophobia, dark, dogs, fear, night, philosophy, selfish, spiders, summer, water |
